to my dad.

Today you would have been 63 years old. You would have been a "golden oldie" as you and mom used to call it. I miss you every day and wish so much that you could know my children. Most of all, thank you for being such a good dad. I love you...Happy Birthday.

I've posted my favorite picture of my dad. Because it was so him. He loved animals and all living things and he just had a way of picking something up and looking at it....just appreciating it. I loved that about him.

new friends.

My old friend Pam came over today with her new baby, Max. He's about 4 weeks younger than Parker. I know they'll be great buddies as they grow. It was cute seeing them together.

this is my year.

I have high goals for 2011. I want to lose 70 lbs, get healthy and kick butt out in the yard playing and chasing my littles this summer. Normally I find myself parked in the shade just watching because it's so exhausting to chase a toddler around outside for any length of time. I had to admit to myself that I'd lost control of my weight and that it was high time to do something about it. I'm sure I'll have bad days here and there, but I'm learning that if you have a bad day that it can be just that. One bad day. Don't let it spill over into the next and the next and the next day. I am very inspired by some of my good friends who have lost large amounts of weight by completely restructuring their lifestyle and how they view and deal with food. Stacey and Amanda - you girls are my inspiration!

I went through my entire house and threw away all the junk and treats left from xmas. It was very liberating. I had no idea how good it would feel to throw away a box of candy canes! This is my first week and I already feel better.

I also have high work goals. I know I have a baby at home, so I'm developing a "work smarter not harder" strategy for 2011 and I'm hoping that we can really take off with our sites this year. We have survived (and thrived) during the recession, so I see no reason why we can't take this thing to the max. Please, share our sites with all the little girls you know. Kids love playing dress up and this is the "modern" way to do it!

Here are our sites:

Sky Breeze Games

Dress Up Craze

Glam Dress Up

Anyway, I'm really excited about what lies ahead. So many firsts to look forward to with Parker. Watching Kalli grow and learn new things each day. Maybe start house hunting a little here and there. I'm ready for all of it! I'm going to be a better me....and I can't wait!

love him.

When I was pregnant with Parker I wondered if I could love him as much as I loved Kalli. Seems so silly now. I can't imagine not seeing his gummy little grin every morning or watching him grow (like a weed).

I can honestly say that I can enjoy him more than I did Kalli. The first time around you're so anxious, worried, uptight. This time I am much more relaxed and I consciously decided when he was born to soak up every minute because I'm pretty sure he's my last. It flies by and I know that soon he'll be wanting to explore the world - crawling, first steps, walking, running! It will be hard to catch him and pull him up into my lap.

Mostly I'm so thankful we decided to have another baby because of the bond that is growing between my two little munchkins. I just love how they love each other. Parker is completely fascinated by her - he strains his little neck following her every move. She, in turn, dotes on him, reads to him, shares things with him. It fills me with mother pride and makes my heart swell. What can I say....I'm in love with both of them.

a bit about motherhood.

Ah, my little Kalli bug. She's smart and sweet, yet sassy and assertive. She runs around our house constantly like a little bundle of energy. At the same time she'll grab her princess blanket, snuggle up in your lap and watch a movie with you. She will come up to me, grab my leg, hand, whatever and say "I've got you!" - it's just about the sweetest thing. Every morning she runs to the window and says "Sunshine! Wake up!!" - what a little character.

I'm not going to pretend it's all rainbows and unicorns, because it's not. Motherhood is a dirty, gritty, mean, hard, full on job. Of course it has it's rewards, but it is the single hardest and most exhausting thing you'll ever do. I never really understood that about parenthood until I had my own children. The minute I had my first baby I had an instant respect for my own mother - I now knew why she did all the things she did. She scolded me when I was bad so that I'd learn right from wrong, she praised me when I did well so that I'd be encouraged towards more success, she loved me when I was sad and helped me when I was down because she wanted my life to be happy and prosperous. She has lifted me up more times than I can count. She is the most artistically inspiring person I've ever known. She has an indescribable talent - so creative, her art is amazing. And there's little touches of it in everything she does. I know now what she means when she tells me that she can't be happy if I'm hurting.

Mothers are an amazing breed. The good ones, anyway. I've learned so much about myself in the past three years (I really do think it begins with pregnancy). I've made so many mistakes and had so many successes. It's all a bit confusing at times. I always wonder if I'm doing the right thing and lots of times when I'm not it's instantly obvious! But, you just keep learning. Just keep going. I think the biggest thing I didn't know was the level of sacrifice you make for your kids. But, you do it willingly and selflessly. So different from when you were "single" - it's just part of the job.

I look at my daughter and see how loving she is. She is sweet and generous. She whispers "I love you, Baby Parker" to her brother when she doesn't know you're watching. She gently strokes his hair and tells him "you're okay, mommy will pick you up" when he cries. She is so excited to share her successes with him - "Look Baby Parker! I painted a sunshine! LOOK!!"

So no matter how much mommy guilt I have, how much uncertainty I have in my ability as a mother (some days), or how I worry if I'll raise good and kind children, when I see that I know I must be doing something right.

discovery.

It was warm today, so Joe took the opportunity to go out to our shed and get the brand new excersaucer for Parker. It was assembled within a few minutes (with help from big sister). His feet don't touch the ground and we had to shove blankets around him to keep him steady, but he was pretty thrilled with it. He's still a bit too young, but I have a feeling he's just going to love it as he grows.

oh em gee.

Most people would probably not want to post a picture like this. But, it's my life, and this is part of it. I'd say that at least 90% of the time when Kalli is playing in the living room it looks like this. It drives me nuts. But, as soon as it gets picked up she drags something out and five mins later we're back to this.

Anyway, this is New Years day, about 9:00 am. Some coloring, snacking and watching cartoons was going on, and this is exactly what it looked like....in the raw :) I can't imagine this times two! We MUST have a bigger house by the time Parker can drag stuff out of his room. We are in desperate need of a playroom.