Sunday, December 19, 2010


It has been over five years since cancer took my dad. Somedays it hurts like it was yesterday, others I smile when I think of him. This time of year is especially hard because I wish nothing more than to have my dad here so he could watch my precious Kalli opening her gifts. I often wonder what type of Grandpa he would be....I can imagine he would be the FUN type :) He would take them fishing, riding four wheelers, teach them about animals, tell them stories, make their stuffed animals talk to them in funny voices. He would do the most adventurous things with them, because that's who he was.

My dad was the most interesting person most people would ever meet. He traveled the world, read lots of books, wrote some amazing stories and articles. He was the best conversationalist and SO, SO funny. I am not sure I have laughed like that since he died. The type of laughter where you spit your food across the table, someone is laughing tears, you are suffocating in your happiness trying to catch your breath. I miss that the most.

I often wonder why the people that are the most filled up with life lose it so soon. As I sit here and type I struggle with words...I really think there is none. Losing my father has been and continues to be the hardest thing I've ever been through. I grieve for his loss, but I also grieve for my children, because I don't know if my memories and stories can ever do him justice. My greatest sorrow in life is that they will never know him. I'm so lucky he wrote so much because I'll always have that to look at and read when I want him close to me. I will have to type up some of the things he wrote and put them here, so I can share them with you. I hope to read his stories to my kids someday.

My dad had a special love for animals. I think you can tell a lot about people by how they treat animals. He always said that puppies were pure joy - if you picked one up you could not help but be happy. That's true. I still think of him telling me that every time I see a puppy.

I miss you dad. My heart aches when I think of you, and how lucky I am that I got to spend 25 years with you. It was not enough, but then, it never really is. I would think that no matter how old you are when you lose a parent that you would always feel a bit cheated, like they were taken too soon. No one ever wants to live without their parents, but sadly I have to.

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